Frustration

I continue to have to eat small amounts at a time, and don’t feel well much of the day.  I’m definitely not staying strictly Paleo, and am happy to eat what I can.  I’ve never had this happen to me before- I’ve dropped 5 lbs in a week.  One of my colleagues said that when she was in her first trimester, at work she was wretching mid-pelvic exams.  Like when the patient was lying down and in the stirrups and couldn’t see her, she’d be quietly wretching.  And vomiting between patients.  Thankfully, I haven’t actually been vomiting and can get through my work days without disruption, so I think to myself I shouldn’t complain.  But I still do, because it sucks to not be able to eat normally and to feel gross most of the time.

I guess I’ve been trying not to let out my frustration too much to my husband (though I still complain plenty to him) and cry about it all.  But it must have been bottling up because I woke up in the wee hours this morning with a sorta bad dream.  I was arguing with my husband about something unimportant, and then woke up crying as I realized consciously that I’ve been withdrawing myself more from him due to how I’ve been feeling.

One of my friends (also an OB/Gyn) says she hates the first trimester because she gets depressed.  While mood changes in pregnancy are certainly common, I can’t say I’ve been feeling depressed per se.  It’s more like these days on end of feeling gross, and having my thoughts consumed by food all the time makes me frustrated and upset.  It just wears on you after a while.

I’ve had one patient and her partner recently tell me that she gets short and blows up at him all the time.  While some hormonal changes are to be expected in pregnancy (and PMS), I still think that going to the extreme of blaming your behavior on it and not taking responsibility for your ability to control your actions and how they affect other people is wrong.

I did want to acknowledge that all of this can be tough on partners as well (like the poor guy above).  Although they may not be going through the actual symptoms themselves, they still feel the effects.  Guess this is a good warm-up.  Just wait till she’s in full-blown labor and is in extreme pain for hours on end!  Talk about feeling helpless seeing her going through that.

It makes such a huge difference to have a supportive partner through all of this.  I feel for all of the women out there who feel alone and/or unsupported as they are going through the difficulties of pregnancy.  And I feel grateful for my always supportive and patient (and silly) husband. ❤

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