Still Surreal

I’m 16 weeks now, and I thought this whole nausea business would be done by now.  It started at 7 weeks, peaked at late 9 weeks, and started to improve at 12 weeks.  So I figured by 15 weeks or so, it would be gone.  But I was wrong.  Though I can eat more than I did a month ago, I still feel sick if I eat too much.  So it’s been frustrating dealing with it day after day, having to stop myself short of feeling full each meal.  Or in many cases not being able to help myself, and then later feeling gross.

Some of my patients have said that in the early second trimester, they don’t feel like they’re pregnant.  They don’t feel nauseous anymore, but they’re not feeling the baby moving yet.  One of my patients, who’s an Internal Medicine doc herself, got all paranoid and even though she knew everything was probably fine, just wanted to take a peek at the baby on the ultrasound to make sure.  With the nausea gone, all of a sudden this weird security blanket was taken away.

For me, even though I still feel the nausea, I have to say it’s a strange experience to still feel like this is all surreal.  I’ve heard the baby’s heartbeat multiple times on my handheld Doppler device, and seen it on the ultrasound a few weeks ago.  But probably because I’m not showing yet and can’t feel the baby moving yet, it still doesn’t quite feel real.

And to be perfectly honest, even though I’m supposed to feel all warm and fuzzy feelings towards this baby growing inside of me, I don’t.  I can’t help but be annoyed at this little parasite who is still not letting me fully enjoy my meals.  I’m sure these feelings will change, but I’m just keeping it real about how I feel right now.


2 thoughts on “Still Surreal

  1. Meg April 4, 2015 / 12:10 pm

    I identify with this so much! I’m now at 18.5 weeks and it’s only this past week that the baby has become real, really. Until very recently it has been totally surreal, I know exactly what you mean. Like your patients, nausea left me at around 13 weeks and until this past week I didn’t look or feel pregnant. Other than my bras, everything else still fit, including waistbands on trousers. I had four weeks of this.

    The baby has been moving around a lot more this past week and I feel it move on and off all day. It has also suddenly grown a lot this past week – some type of growth spurt? I’m a research scientist (in a sub-field within human biology) and my husband is a medical doctor so we have both been totally fascinated by the scientific side of the parasite growing inside me (and I’ve been annoyed at how much energy it has been sucking!) and have been calling it a parasite, but it wasn’t a warm and fuzzy feeling until this past week.

    Now we can lightly palpate my lower abdomen/ uterus and feel the baby and feel it change positions, lean against the outside, then later only feel one firm spot (leaning back with a leg/hand pushing outwards?), feel it lying on the right then later on the left then later transverse. Also have felt baby startle awake if I do. Now it feels like a ‘baby’.

    Downside has been my belly is getting noticeably bigger and getting in the way a bit, and like you, if I eat normal amounts of food I feel totally gross…. like nauseated, belly distended and aching gross….can’t believe there are almost five more months of feeling overfull!

    Anyway, kind of comforting to know that it wasn’t just me feeling ambivalent the whole thing. Keep on keeping it real, POB.


    • Paleo OB April 5, 2015 / 5:05 pm

      Thanks for the comment. How exciting to finally feel your baby moving and to look and feel more pregnant. Definitely looking forward feeling movement soon and feeling a little more warm and fuzzy toward the parasite.


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