So much for the honeymoon period. As I mentioned in my post a couple weeks ago, I thought by now I’d be eating normally. I had this whole plan of getting the carb craziness out of my system by going a little buck wild when I felt back to normal, and then going back to the Paleo foods. More so than that, I had this whole grand plan that I’d be eating a variety of foods, starting prenatal yoga and staying fit, etc. Well so much for that. At 18 weeks, there hasn’t been significant improvement since a couple weeks ago.
I still can’t eat as much as I used to normally, or I’ll feel sick. But the food tastes so good as I’m eating it, so inevitably I’ll end up eating too much (which is still less than a normal large meal for me), and not feel so great later. My weight just in the last day or two is finally creeping past my pre-pregnancy weight. And this is with me eating carbs all the time.
Lately I’ve been on a sandwich kick. I love going to the places that have their own freshly baked gourmet bread. Here in the SF Bay Area, we have Le Boulanger and La Boulange. Both are places that I can get bread, pastries, and tasty sandwiches. One has contracted with Starbucks, and the other is next door to Starbucks in my neighborhood. Not confusing at all.
The problem is the guilt. Not so much for the sandwich meat, and I do try to get the hot sandwiches. I feel guilty for eating so much bread and other carbs all the time. It’s this sickness- I can’t stop! Ultimately, I give in to my immediate wants- I just eat what I wanna eat. Which lately usually involves carbs. It’s like I have an eating disorder- I’m thinking about food all the time. I finish one meal, and I’m already thinking about what I want to eat next, whenever my stomach stops feeling gross and wants to eat again. And then I feel guilty for all the carbs, worrying that I’m gonna give myself gestational diabetes and/or make my baby grow too big, but ultimately I still can’t help but give in to the fact that it feels SO GOOD to eat whatever it is that I have my sights set on at the time. You’d think that the logic of knowing how healthy/unhealthy I eat affects my fetus would help. But it doesn’t. I guess now I relate to most of obese America.
Sigh…the guilt certainly doesn’t help things and just makes me feel worse. I’m not looking for a solution, and frankly right now don’t know what the solution is. I guess I just needed to vent yet again, after weeks and weeks of this. Working long hours, feeling sick daily- it just makes for lack of motivation to exercise, and makes me continue wanting carb-laden foods. I’m just hoping that one of these days I’ll be able eat normally again, or at least have some motivation to start eating healthier.