I came across this article recently, and I can definitely relate:
This woman writes about how difficult it’s been for her trying for baby #2. People ask all the time about it, and she has her various responses to them. But the reality is that they’ve been trying hard, and it’s devastating for her every month when she finds out she’s not pregnant.
I can’t say I would use the word heartbreaking to describe how I feel going through the process. People ask me a lot about Baby #2, and it honestly doesn’t bother me. It’s a common question that’s natural for a lot of people to ask. When it comes to these things, maybe because it’s part of my job, or because it’s just easier for me to be honest, I’m pretty open.
I’m not going to respond by saying, “Yes, we’re trying and in fact just had timed intercourse last night!” But if it came to needing to see the fertility specialists, or if I had a miscarriage, I don’t think I’d be super secretive about it. Tell the whole office? No. But tell those closer to me? Sure. We unfortunately see miscarriages fairly frequently. I realize that is very difficult for my patients to experience. And who knows how I’ll feel if I go through it myself. But being on the other side, I also know that the vast majority of my patients who have a miscarriage go on to have healthy pregnancies later on.
So the logical part of me says that it’s normal to take a while to conceive. We wait till a couple has tried for a year or more unsuccessfully before offering referral to the fertility specialists. For women 35 and older, it’s 6 months. The reason behind that is that if there are age-related fertility issues, we don’t want to lose out on precious time, during which fertility can further decline.
Despite knowing full well how long it takes for a normal couple to conceive, because it happened so quickly the first time, it has been disappointing to get my period each month. So I do relate to the author of the above article. I can’t help but feel upset that it hasn’t happened yet, and various thoughts and emotions go through my head.
Even though I tell myself logically that it hasn’t been 6 months, it’s not a big deal, I still can’t help but cry. Being such an overachiever, I can’t help but feel a sense of failure. Am I failing myself by not being strict Paleo? Is my stressful job affecting my fertility? Or are my ovaries just getting old and pooping out?
It’s apparent from the responses the author got to her original post that many women out there relate. So I appreciate her honesty and vulnerability. And although I’m not bothered by people asking about Baby #2, she does make a good point that we have to be careful about asking those questions. For example, there is a couple across the street about the same age as us, who purchased their home around the same time we bought ours. She happens to be a doctor as well. I’m curious, but I have to make it a point not to ask them if they plan to have children. Unless they bring it up, it’s a loaded question- maybe they desperately want kids and have been having difficulty. You never know.
In any case, for now I am grateful for my beautiful little trouble maker. The other day, I came home from work and he was at the upstairs window. It always makes me happy when he waves at me as I get home.
I got out of the car, and noticed a bunch of items on the driveway. That’s when I realized this guy was not just waving at me. He was happily tossing items out of the window through a hole in the screen (my husband was in the kitchen cooking dinner).
Ah, life with a toddler.